No, I will not give up coffee, alcohol, or chocolate.

so i've had a "throat problem" since at least college timeframe. my room mate in college, one of my best friends Amy G. - would often tell people she knew it was time to wake up when she would hear me clearing my throat continuously in the morning. often when i wake up, or after i eat i cough and clear my throat for the next few hours. yes, hours. my voice is often hoarse in the morning and this irritation can sometimes last all day long. you may have noticed this about me, or maybe i'm good at disguising it. sometimes it gets really bad and i've gagged and choked while coughing. my sister says "adrienne, stop that you're annoying!" as if i WANT to sound like that.

so my parents finally urged me to see an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat specialist) since my Dad suffers from acid reflux. my appointment was this morning...

apparently i have something called "silent reflux". (it's not silent when you're listening to me cough!) which is when acid passes through my throat causing an irritation and urge to clear my throat and cough. but by the time i do that, it has already passed through so there is really nothing "stuck" there after all, just the feeling that there is. it is different than acid reflux because it doesn't settle in my chest causing heartburn, but settles in the back of my throat area. i have to go back in a month for a lovely procedure where they put a camera down my throat to take a 360 degree picture. i should be a pro after this morning when she put a small camera on a wire UP my nose all the way TO my throat causing extreme pain and me saying "OWWW!!" she tried to tell me it would just be uncomfortable. this was not the case and i was waiting for my nose to start bleeding it hurt so bad. even after she removed it, it hurt! so now i am taking a medicine 2 times a day for 2 months to eleviate this discomfort but i also have rules on a piece of paper she gave me that will help it feel better and ease the symptoms. i would like to share these very practical suggestions with you:

1. Avoid spicy, acidic, tomato-based foods like CHOCOLATE, tomatoes, citrus fruits and juices. (i will NOT be eliminating chocolate from my diet, thank you very much. and i'm obsessed with fruit. awesome.)

2. Limit your intake of COFFEE, tea, ALCOHOL and soda. (i will NOT be giving up coffee and/or alcohol. i'll cough for a 24 hours before i would do such a thing!)

3. Watch your weight. (sure, i'll watch it stay right where it's been since high school.)

4. Don't gorge yourself at mealtime. (does this mean puncture with a knife? if this means eliminating feasts like the Bachelor Premier night spread OR Restaurant Week in Philly, i think not.)

5. Don't exercise too soon after eating. (i may actually be able to obey this one.)

6. Have meals at least 3-4 hours before lying down. (again, does this mean ruling out large snacking sessions during reality tv?)

7. Stop or reduce smoking. (well i was just going to start, but i'll have to reconsider.)

8. Elevate the head of your bed. (if you see me sleeping sitting up, don't be alarmed.)

9. Maintain a low-fat diet limiting your intake of red meat, cheese, and eggs. (hello, i LOVE cheese. haven't eaten red meat in about 15 years so i have that going for me.)

...and my favorite. i swear this is printed on the brochure.

10. Avoid wearing clothing that is too tight, especially around the waist. (WHAT?!?!?!)

thank you , doctor for giving me this helpful list but i'm sure you have another one with much more realistic expectations.