my "christmas spirit" drive to work

Scenario 1:

i walk into Wawa and approach the coffee stand where i need 2 napkins to catch the drips as i fill my Lilly Pulitzer travel mug (thank you, alex). as i reach for the napkins, i hear the woman next to me say "you could have asked, a**hole." i assume she can't possibly be talking to me so i go about my filling of the mug. then i go back to the coffee station to secure my lid and wipe up the drips. then i hear yet another cursing in my direction. ok, so apparently i DID offend this woman by reaching near her to get some napkins?! i offended her in such a way that she must curse me under her breath in hopes of me hearing?! again, i do nothing and smile while securing my lid. i head to the ATM machine and then to the check out. she is 2 people in front of me in line. after she pays and proceeds to the exit, i hear a "F*** you" under her breath as she passes me in line. at this point, i can no longer be silent. in front of all customers i yell "EXCUSE ME?? were you talking to me?! maam!!! did you have something to say?!" she quietly exits the Wawa without incident. everyone in line is confused and i kindly explain that i offended her by reaching for napkins at the coffee station.

Scenario 2:

i get on the Northeast extension southbound and am quickly met with a silver VW Golf (mk4) in front of me. normally this would excite me, as i love meeting up with other VW owners on the road. this person was driving a bit irradically. slow. fast. medium. fast. super fast. slow as a turtle. i begin to get annoyed and attempt to pass him. oh of course, he then speeds up to super fast while i try to pass him. (keep in mind i'm driving a chevy HHR rental car, not my awesome jetta GLI) so i am even more annoyed as he then slows down again. he thinks this is funny. pick a speed dude! now he is carelessly swerving or i should say drifting to the center white dotted line and then back to the middle of his lane. i don't trust drivers who clearly can't gain control of their vehicle. especially at 630am. i painfully follow this person to the lansdale exit where he gets in the right lane to exit, rolls his window down, and gives me the finger! yep - I'M the jerk! not sure exactly what i did to piss him off while driving behind his bumper at various slow speeds for miles upon miles. the best part? he had a Christian fish on his back bumper. would have LOVED to have a photo of him giving me the finger with the fish symbol in view :)

Merry Christmas everyone!